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Open Adoption, A Positive Option

Posted April 12, 2010 by Shannon Suda

Categories: Success Stories, Domestic Adoption

We hear the statistics by the media about teenagers getting pregnant...over a million a year...a national tragedy...and children having children, etc., etc.  Yet, I don't believe there is one teenage pregnant girl out there who believes there are a million just like her.  It is often a scary, lonely and abandoned feeling she is experiencing.  Suddenly her world changes, and those changes also touch the lives of everyone who knows and lovers her.

Unplanned pregnancies do not have set boundaries.  They occur in all religions, races, rural and urban areas, single parent and intact families, and all socioeconomic classes.  There are some "at risk" criteria that make it easier for educational resources to target, but it still happens.

An unplanned pregnancy does not need to be an end, but a beginning; a beginning for birthparents and child.  It can also be the beginning of maturity, responsibility and decision-making.  It can also be a start of deepening and lasting relationships.

Too often young birthparents believe that since they have become pregnant, they automatically have to parent, feel they are trapped into it, or this is their punishment for having sex.  Some are told by their families and peers that since they got "caught" they have to deal with it (meaning parent the child).  It does not have to be that way.  Young birthparents have options and the more educated they are on these options, the better the decision-making will be and the better they will feel about the choice they make.

The option most overlooked by birthparents is adoption.  Several myths are attached to this option.  The first being that some stranger will come in and take their child and they will never see or hear from the child again.  A second myth is that the child will not know why the birthparents made an adoption plan and will hate them forever.  Still another myth is the birthparents did not love the child or did not want the child and give him/her away.

Adoption is a loving choice made by birthparents.  It is their plan for their child, and only they can make that plan.  They are in control of it.  Most of the adoptions I become involved in today are open adoptions.  They may be a new concept for young people.  It is the birthparents' plan for their child and no two adoptions are alike.  Birthparents choose the family, meet the family, and together they decide the child's future.  Some birthparents want letters, pictures, emails and want to see the child after the child joins the adoptive family.  This can continue throughout the child's life.  Some birthparents want the adoptive family at the hospital when the child is born.  Birthparents can name, see and take care of their child after it is born.  Some name the child together with the adoptive family.  It is whatever works for the birthparents and makes them comfortable with their plan.  Again, birthparents are in control of it.  This is their child and they will forever be the birthparents of this child.

There is no wrong decision in an unplanned pregnancy, just as there is no painless way to get through it.  At the same time, just because it hurts, does not mean it is a wrong decision.

Adoption means loving your child enough to give your child what you want him/her to have, but can't give them at this time in your life.  One birthmom put it in these words, "I wanted my child's dreams to come true."

One of the main reasons birthparents choose adoption is they want their child to be raised in a two-parent intact home.  They believe this will give their child a greater chance at happiness and security.

Making an adoption plan is a mature decision made out of love.  Over the past 22 years I have been privileged to work with a very impressive group of birthparents.  They are exceptionally caring and responsible young people, who loved there child enough to see beyond their own needs and meet the needs of their child.  They wanted their child to have the best life has to offer, even if that meant without them.  They can take pride in their decision because they gave their child a gift of a family.

After all, ADOPTION MAKES FAMILIES HAPPEN! 

Written by Jane Weber, Birthparent and Adoption Counselor